Kanye West Vancouver show relocated


WEST 4th AVE, VANCOUVER

After being outbid for BC Place, the Chan Centre, Vogue Theatre, and even Thunderbird Stadium, 36-time Grammy award winning rapper Kanye West has been forced to hold the Vancouver leg of his Saint Pablo tour at the Bimini.

The provocative hip-hop star and self-declared genius was forced to find a different venue after discovering his planned Rogers Arena concert would lose about $800 million, due to increased interest in the venue. A spokesperson for Rogers Arena wouldn’t name the private individual who outbid Mr. West, but mentioned that the space was being used for “a little get-together”.

“Our client cares very much about his privacy,” Rogers Arena replied to RENDRD in a request for comment. “All we can confirm is that the entire arena has been rented out for a private party, and that the space will be largely vacant.”

Looking for a bargain, Kanye’s management team rebooked four times before settling on the Bimini, colloquially known as Bims. The show might hit some speed bumps — over 500 tickets have been sold for a venue with a maximum capacity of 100; the pressure is on for the spread out Bims staff.

“Well, this is happening now,” Janet Robinson, a waitress at Bims stated. “Fucking Kanye West. He’s been storming in and out of the bar for the past hour screaming about Cocaine tortellinis and the urn of Steve Jobs. Apparently he can’t fit his fifty foot moon projector on the stage.”

“I didn’t even realize 4% milk existed,” one stage hand had to say. “Last week I was hitting shuffle on my iPod for three-dozen dancers and now I’m restocking every god damn gallon of Kanye West’s cereal milk.”

“Well, it’s Kanye. So we should’ve known what to expect from this bullshit,” Robinson concluded. “At least it won’t be as crazy as the Ski team social last year.”

#kanyewest #satire #NQN #NotQuiteNews

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