Bus Rider Settles on Who to Hate for the Next Five Stops

VANCOUVER, BC

Upon finding a seat on the 99, student commuter Greg Chen began to scan the bus in a voyeuristic fashion. Within seconds, he had singled out the perfect person to relentlessly despise for the remainder of his journey – some clean cut little pussy near the front, with an overly-manufactured hairdo to boot.

First of all, who remains standing when there’s like five seats available? Learn to commute, you utter plebeian, thought Chen.

Look at his fucking face, just look at this smug asshole. Thrasher mag t-shirt? Bet you don’t even skateboard, you’ve never skateboarded, you little bitch, he finished.

While the hatred in Chen’s eyes was noticeable, he made no effort to conceal it. Just look over here, fucker, one time, hoping for even a glance from his velvet-fleshed mark, as if to confirm the logic behind his dislike.

The unsuspecting bitch-made commuter continued to occupy space, annoyingly, until he plugged in his headphones and started scrolling through his iPhone, unaware that this was providing fuel for the ever-combusting Chen. I bet he listens to garbage music. Probably entry level Pitchfork garbage or something, I don’t give a fuck. When the commuter began rhythmically nodding his head, Chen nearly had an aneurysm. WHO DOES THAT IN PUBLIC!?!

With only one stop to go, the soft-as-fuck milk drinker began to make silly faces into his phone, prompting Chen to commence with his hardest judge yet: Snapchatting on the bus? Have you no dignity? You complete goofball, you reprobate nincompoop. Jesus Christ, children.

Arriving at his destination, Chen exited the bus, maintaining a hateful glare at the baby-faced lotion-smooth troglodyte he had the misfortune of sharing a bus with. He then cheerfully thanked the bus driver – remaining unaware that he himself had been the object of hatred of seven other passengers.

#Satire #Bus #commute