#FckVday: 14 Haikus You Wish You Could Give Your Ex on a Hallmark Card


This is the second of our #FckVday ; a series we have been dropping throughout today, February 15. Some people believe you should love all year-round, other just don't see the point. So this space will serve as a platform for anyone who thinks differently.

She bought me a ring

Asked if I would marry her

I bought her plan b

- Bryan Warman

Flowers are cliche

There is one way to her heart

Send her a dick pic

- Alecia Childs

dark, dry, I'm crying

a handjob at the movies

a gift to myself

- Ford Atwater

Just alentines ay

Without either V or D

We ain't getting none.

- Steph Lawrie

So you got dumped

The day before Valentine's

Broken heart? Tinder.

- Omer Sharif

Love is in the air

Fog of poisonous gasses

Choke me I like it

- Sara Fairbairn

I loved a girl once

But she was quick to leave me

Now I fuck my dad

- Zachary Sawchuk

I lost my husband

On Valentine's Day last year

Asshole went for milk

- Marie Thomas

Swipe, swipe, swipe, match, fuck

A true Gen Z love story

I cri evryteim

- Omer Sharif

A Valentines gift

A letter from my true love

Restraining order

- Marie Thomas

Valentine's Day means

Two people exchanging gifts

Flowers for anal

- Bryan Warman

Sexy lingerie

Wait, why do you have a rash?

You cheating bastard.

- Marie Thomas

Is it still a date

If you're twenty yards away?

Restraining order.

- Alecia Childs

girl, how you doin

you come around here often?

okay, fuck you too

- Ford Atwater


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