Report: 62% of Vancouver Aquarium visitors high right now


STANLEY PARK, VANCOUVER

According to new polls from BC Stats, 62% of all Vancouver Aquarium attendees are currently under the influence of Cannabis Sativa. Or Indica. Or one of those cool little blends.

The shocking new research shows that nearly two out of three Vancouverites prefer to ‘burn’, ‘get blazed’ or ‘rip geeb’ on their way to witness the natural beauty of aquatic life. These activities are usually done a short distance from the facility, right before learning commences.

“We were a bit surprised at the popularity bump,” said Meg Whitman, a representative of the Vancouver Aquarium. “Normally After Hours is the busiest for our 20-30 demographic. Then we saw a bunch of twenty-somethings wandering off the forest paths a little after 4 and it made a lot more sense.”

“You know man, it’s just such a mind bender that these little guys are out there,” Dan Davidson, had to say. “Like, right now we’re looking at fish, right? But then some fish hunters kill the fish. And then they’re dead fish.” Davidson, 21, is one of the many undergraduate students partaking in the wildly popular toking phenomenon.

“The manta rays looked a little sad in their tank. Touching them was trippy as fuck though,” he added.

“Oh shiiiiit,” a visitor chimed in at the jellyfish tank. “Look at the colors.”

“Fuuuuck,” Davidson replied.

The fish, which couldn’t seem to grasp the past minute they just existed in, were unavailable for comment.

#NotQuiteNews #NQN #Satire

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